Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Third Time Lucky

As the elite audience (for 'elite' read 'pretentious synonym for 'depressingly tiny'') of my previous attempts at maintaining a blog will be aware, I have a reputation for beginning these in a blaze of enthusiasm and then burning out almost instantaneously in true stereotypical rock star style (minus the, er, sex, drugs and discernible musical talent). There's only so much potential to repeat the same cleverly disguised joke incessantly before the content of new entries starts displaying the forward-thinking originality and radical progression of a Status Quo album:

ROSSI: 'Hey Rick, I've found a fourth chord!'
ROSSI: 'A fourth chord!'
PARFITT: 'Woah man, we don't want any of that proggy woah-look-at-me-I-can-actually-play-my-instrument crap! Next thing you know we'll have 25 minute jazz breakdowns and two day drum solos!'
ROSSI: 'But dude, we've been ploughing out the same song for 30 years! Someone's got to suss us eventually!'
PARFITT: 'Francis - don't mess with what you don't understand. Just don't.'

For anyone fortunate enough not to know me, I'm a third year English and Media student at Sussex University. English and Media is, of course, a rigorous and stressful discipline placing an almost unbearable strain on the students brave and resilient enough to undertake it. Many fall by the wayside, citing extreme mental scarring caused by a horrific schedule which makes the following terrifying requirements:

a) 11 o'clock starts. No words can express the true horror of being forced to dress in a socially acceptable way before midday.
b) A weekly seminar. Not a non-compulsory yearly seminar, or an optional monthly seminar, but a compulsory weekly seminar. Despicable.
c) A need to relate everything to sex. No exceptions. Pride and Prejudice is a voyage of sexual discovery. Alice in Wonderland is a tale of one woman's irrepressible orgiastic desire for rabbits and cheshire cats. And how I wish that I'd made both those up!

I intend through the next few months to document all the outrageous truth behind the hilarious assumption on the part of a naive society that students go to university to study. The very idea. A few token concessions to work are all that is required to blindly convince the outside world that students do not spend their lives in a continuous everlasting alcohol fuelled trance, punctuated only b a) food b) sleep and c) standing around on street corners looking unkempt and moody. This is a terrible, terrible misconception. Let me confirm categorically now that students do not stand around on street corners looking unkempt and moody. They stand around outside cheap underground bars looking unkempt and moody.

I will also endeavour to introduce you to the large cast of characters who occupy this strange and terrifying reality. My housemates Hannah, Jenna, Jenny, Neil, The Large Orange Lounge Slugs and The Baby Yellow Kitchen Slugs. Our cowboy letting agents HomeLets (a sadly misleading title which should be replaced with OutrageouslyExpensiveFesteringCardboardBoxLets). Our mutual friends Sam, Craig, Amy and Kate. My fantastically intriguing oddball seminar colleagues MichaelMooreMan, KeanuReevesBoy, AnnoyingObsessivelyFeministFemales 1 -59 and EssexGirlStereotype. Hopefully by the time I say my final farewells to the establishment that has seen me progress from immature boy to immature boy with bad hair and a degree I will have an everlasting document to the 'best days of my life'.

I suspect not, but hopefully.

Mood: Pensive
Ed's Incessant Auto Repeat Musical Tip: The Music - Freedom Fighters


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